We’ve all seen those women. Those women who somehow, always seem to look effortlessly sexy. Their hips sway casually. Their hair flows and is perfectly coifed on the regular, as if they have a personal camera crew following them around blowing air in their face and screaming “Yahssssssssssss honey workkkkkkkk.”
While some of us has mastered the effortlessly sexy lifestyle, others of us struggle to find what poses and facial expressions highlight our best assets in pictures and don’t know how to contour our cheekbones to the high heavens while still making it to work on time.
But, we all need to feel sexy. I’m realizing that it’s more of a need than a want. Feeling sexy is a part of our womanhood, a part of the beauty and power of our femininity. In fact, our ability to find, celebrate and feel our sexiest has implications in so many areas of our lives. When we are able to find our sexy, we begin to exude confidence, confidence that spills over into our love lives, professional lives, friendships, family relationships, creative projects, and dreams.
When we feel sexy on the regular, it does wonders for how we feel about ourselves and how we carry ourselves within the world. Often times, when people think about being and feeling sexy, we think about it in the context of feeling sexy or being sensual for someone else.
Rarely do we think of feeling and celebrating our sexy as being something that’s for us. For our health. For something so much deeper than arousing another person. Often times, we think of feeling sexy as showing skin, wearing heels, having our makeup slayed to the Gods, or of body rolling to Beyonce in the middle of the club dance floor.
While those things are sexy (do your thang sis!), our connection to our own beauty and sensuality is much more than outward expressiveness through clothes, movement or smells. It’s about how we feel when we take off all of our makeup at night and remove all of the horrendous contraptions (cough cough bras) and clothes from the day and sit with ourselves, alone.
It’s about how we approach obstacles in our lives by stepping up to them instead of shriveling before them. It’s in the way you walk through life, in heels, flats or tennis shoes, strutting past the BS, sashaying towards the things that uplifting you, and twirling towards your dreams and your hearts deepest desires.
If you desire to find your sexy and connect to all of the feminine power, confidence, and joy that comes from this special aspect of womanhood, this is for you. Get ready to glow up.
Learn To Love (and Enjoy) Being Naked
Our naked bodies are a MASTERPIECE. They are truly breathtaking and allow us to go about and live our lives. I believe learning to love, enjoy and celebrate our bodies is crucial to finding our sexy. What better way to find your sexy than to be naked and connect with your beauty in your most vulnerable form?
I’m that person who gets naked first thing when I come home. I’m naked in the kitchen. I’m naked in the bathroom. I’m naked in my bed. I love being naked. When I’m naked, I feel rooted, grounded, connected to my womanhood and sensuality. Spending more time naked is a great way to affirm the beauty of your own body and it’s sexual energy.
Dance has been an incredible way for me to connect with my body and embrace the way it moves. If it’s not dance for you, try pilates, weight lifting, running, skating, or jump roping. I believe movement is an incredibly powerful way to reclaim the complexity, beauty and strength of our bodies. It also gives us a confidence boost and opens the door for a new relationship with and appreciation for our bodies.
Verbally Affirm Other Women
Everyone loves a genuine compliment. The truth is, we are surrounded by beautiful, strong, kind, inspirational, wise, intellectual, artistic women all of them. Surrounded by them! But, how often do we let each other know, “I see you sis!” Verbally affirming other women, which essentially means giving other women words of affirmation regularly, not only encourages them to see and celebrate themselves. But, it also opens the door for your own confidence to grow.
As women, we often look at one another and consciously, or subconsciously compare ourselves to one another. Our bodies. Our relationships. Our hair length. Everything. Constantly comparing ourselves to other women takes a toll on us and on our self-esteem, even when we feel like we’re “winning” the comparison game.
When we flip the switch and affirm other women’s beauty, talent, intellect, skills, hair, and everything in between, we tap out of the toxic comparison game. We affirm that “You are fabulous, and I am too.” We begin to look at and appreciate other women for everything that they are, instead of looking at them in a way that “rates” them against ourselves. When we do that, we begin to look at and appreciate ourselves in the same way. And the result? Inner confidence and sexiness honeyyyyyyyy.
Release Your Ideas of What Sexy LOOKS Like
We all have an idea of what sexy looks like. Most of these ideas are shaped by our cultures, and unfortunately, the images we’ve been shown aren’t inclusive of women of different colors and body types. We have to work to let go of these images and replace them with the idea that we’ve all got some inner sexy to shimmer on ourselves and on the world.
Maybe your hair isn’t down to your butt and doesn’t flow in the world. Sis, rock that pixie cut! Rock that 4c afro! Rock that buzz cut. Maybe you think your boobs are too small to be sexy. Sis, you better celebrate your bug bites! Show them some love! Who says A cups aren’t sexy?
YOU define your sexy and when you claim your sexy, nobody can tell you otherwise. Maybe you can’t body roll like Ciara! Girl, you betta throw it back! Who cares if you don’t tick exactly like Ciara, you can tick and look like you because YOU are sexy too.
Pamper Yourself REGULARLY
As women, we give so much. To our families, to our friends, to our commitments, to our jobs. We deserve to give back to ourselves, so, we need to pamper ourselves regularly. The key word here, is regularly. Pampering yourself regularly doesn’t necessarily mean spending bands on a weekly massage.
But, if you got it like that, live your best life sis! But, for those of us who don’t quite have it like that (yet), we have options too! Choose a lotion that you love and rub it in after you shower every morning. Choose something that makes you feel luxurious, queenly and fabulous. Find a texture that you love, and feel it!
Maybe it’s a soft rug that you let your toes sink into every morning. Or, maybe it’s a silk pillowcase that you use to keep your protective style fresh. Whatever it is, find a texture you love and touch it. Love on your hair. Whether you have a lot or a little bit, get a shampoo that smells divine and lather up. Give yourself permission to linger in the shower. Let that water flow down your body and enjoy every second of it. Because you deserve it.
I’m convinced that so many wonderful things happen when we unlock our feminine energy and allow ourselves to feel and be sexy. There was a time when I would stand next to the effortlessly sexy types and feel inadequate. Feel less than fabulous. Feel frustrated that I didn’t look like what I thought “sexy” looked like.
These days, I don’t give a “hoot” about what other people think sexy looks like. I’m sexy honey and I know it. I wear blue velvet pants with cheetah sweaters and break fashion rules on the regular, and I’m sexy. My hair doesn’t generally move in the wind (shout out to my fro) and I’m sexy. I can body roll pretty good, but not quite like Ciara and I’m sexy. What are your sexy affirmations?
Fill in the blank: I am/can/do ________________________, and I’m sexy.